In recent months I’ve started to learn to play the Saxophone. It’s hard for me to remember a time in my life when I haven’t wanted to play a musical instrument. But somehow in my growing up it was something that was never encouraged - actually in many ways I was discouraged from doing so. Yet it was a desire that never left me, and throughout the years I’ve tried many times with different instruments. But each time I tried anything I was plagued with voices of the past saying I couldn’t, that I was tone deaf, and didn’t have ability to play.
Six years ago I obtained a saxophone and began to play around on it using a teach yourself book. I even learned to play ‘Happy Birthday to you’ for a special friend. But, again, soon got disheartened and put it to one side to collect dust. Over these last few years I’ve walked on a significant journey of healing and discovered who I really am, the true identity that is God-given, and not what myself and others have moulded me to be. In this process the desire to play music has grown stronger, until recently, the very person who so discouraged me, offered to pay for me to have music lessons. From the very first lesson I’ve sensed that this was a life changing opportunity. However, after not too many lessons, I discovered that my saxophone had a leak, which meant I was going to find it very hard to play. I was so discouraged, and felt like a deflated balloon, but I also had a sense that God was at work.
Our Father is not a God who wants to take away the things which bring us life and are part of who He created us to be. Although very disappointed, in that moment I had to choose to be open to Him and what He was going to do. With my saxophone tutor I looked at some possibilities and options that I needed to go away and look into. As I was packing my damaged saxophone away I found myself saying “of course I don`t really want a gold saxophone. What I would really love is a purple and gold one”. What happened next could only have been God. My tutor said he knew someone who was selling one ‘as new’ at a very low price. Wow! Within two days that purple and gold saxophone became mine.
Now I know it’s just a saxophone. But it’s shown me that many of our inner desires are given by God. They’re in line with His plans and purposes for our lives, and they are to bring life and wholeness to us. I wonder how many of us are holding on to secret desires that we’re scared to own or voice. Maybe, like me, you were so discouraged in those things as you grew up. Yet, by being willing to own them, and vulnerable enough to speak them out, God can do amazing things, and bring much healing to you through them. He so longs for us to be who He created us to be.
Prayer: Father, thank You that You have good plans and purposes for my life, and that You long for me to be living in the abundance of life. I’m sorry, Father, that I’m not always able recognise the desires that You’ve set in my heart. But I’m asking You, Father, to show me now if there’s a hidden desire in me which comes from You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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