What Does My Heart Desire?

When I was in Bible School this verse was quoted everywhere all the time. I remember speakers sharing this verse as an encouragement to believe in God and His promises. My mentor would also encourage me with this verse if I was ever going through something, or had some doubts. Even friends would quote this verse at times. It was always done to try and encourage others.

I always thought that if I was a good Christian, if I went to church, did good deeds, was kind enough to people, then God would just grant me the desires of my heart, whether that was a place, a person, or a job. I was expecting Him to grant these wishes. It wasn’t until none of my ‘desires’ were granted that I started questioning why. I started doing some deeper research and I dived deep into the Bible to try and see where I was going wrong. I was "being good", but my desires were not being given to me.

The first part of the verse is the most important part of the whole verse. It is delighting yourself in the Lord. What does it truly mean to delight in the Lord? Well, after my research, I found out it means to find my full satisfaction in Him. It is not only being content with Him, but fully enjoying His presence in such a way that I’m finding all I need.

It means that I have understood that Jesus came to bring restoration between me and God. He brought peace between Him and me, so that I can enjoy Him freely.  I don’t have to sacrifice an animal every time I enter into His presence. I don’t have to cleanse myself again and again before going to meet Him. I can drop all of the ‘doing’ and just be with Him.

Now here is the tricky part. My heart, as it is, is not good. It is corrupted and wicked. Jeremiah 17:9 says that the heart is deceitful above all things. If God were to give me the desires of my heart, it would be a very ugly outcome, because my desires are not good. They need fixing. They need a complete makeover.

The beauty of it, though, is that, when I delight myself in God, and spend time with Him, I start to change naturally. It is not out of a striving mentality. It happens organically. He starts to put His nature in me. He starts to gently rotate my heart so that it can get to a place where it will desire, eventually, what He desires. This means that I will end up having His heart.

With this new heart, I will now start to desire good things, righteous things, and selfless things. So, why would God not grant me the desires of my heart, when this happens to be the desires of His heart for me.