Embarrassment

I wonder how good you are at remembering Bible verses? I have to confess, I’m not so good. I have learnt a few, but the repertoire of verses stored in my heart is far fewer than I’d ideally like. One verse that I wish I’d learned a while ago is 2 Timothy 1:7. “Why?” you may ask.

A number of years ago, I was in a Sunday service of the church I pastored, and we had a guest speaker. After spending much of the night before helping with an urgent pastoral matter, I’d made it to the service, but I was tired. As I sat listening to the speaker, with my mind chewing over the previous night’s difficulties, I was suddenly aware that he was addressing me from the front.

In fact, he had asked me a specific question. “Tell us what 2 Timothy 1:7 says,” he said, “for I know you’ll know it!” Sadly, at that moment, in full view of a packed church, all I could do was to stare back at him, looking completely blank, my mind suddenly empty of absolutely everything. I didn’t know it. It was one of those moments when you just want the ground to open up and swallow you whole. I felt that I’d been busted!

Now everybody knew what I was only too aware of. I didn’t know the Bible anywhere near as well as I wished I did. It wasn’t a pleasant moment, and afterwards I went round and round many wise and wonderful retorts that I could have given.

But sadly, at that moment, all I could do was to sit like a rabbit caught in a headlight, frozen with embarrassment and fear. What would they think of me? This is especially ironic given the verse itself. ‘For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.’

Thankfully God does not call us to be perfect. He knows full-well we can’t be. But He doesn’t want us to live in fear. And He doesn’t want us to sit in self-condemnation either. Yes, we’ll get stuff wrong, and often we will be found out, but none of this comes as a surprise to God. He loves me whether I can quote 2 Timothy 1:7 or not. What a relief that I’m not loved on merit but simply because of His grace!