Look Back but Don’t Go Back

This summer I went back to visit family in England for the first time in a long while. I was quite anxious about the visit for a number of reasons, such as the possibility of  bad memories being stirred up, or bumping into people from my past. But the main reason I felt anxious was being so far away from home, my safe hiding place. But I really felt the Lord wanted me to go. So, I went.

I visited family, some whom I have never met before. I’m so glad I did. I also got a chance to catch up with an old school friend. I enjoyed meeting her, but quickly realised her life is very different to mine. I started to behave like her, so she would accept me, but the Lord pointed out that that is not who I am. I repented and asked God to help me be a light and to be myself.

I then went to visit some more family members whom I haven’t seen in a long time. I have recently been reconciled with one of them. It was a lovely time together with lots of talking, a quick catch up about family members and what they are all doing now, and a tour of the area to see how much had changed (not for the better, sadly).

I came back from my trip and was glad to get home again. I asked God what the purpose of my trip had been, and He replied, “I wanted you to see what I have saved you from”. I realised that, even though I was away from God at the time of moving to Scotland, He had had His hand on my life, even then. His plans for me were better than those I had for myself. I could have stayed in England, gone down the route of drugs and alcohol with no sense of purpose, and become lost.

Since this trip, I have had some answers about my continuing journey of finding out who I am. My identity has been a struggle for many years. Bit by bit, God is showing me who I am. He is showing me His love, His plan for my life, His plans for me to prosper and not be destroyed.

Maybe my story resonates with you today. Perhaps you need to look back, see how far you have come and what God has already done in your life. He really loves you so much and has plans for you too.