I need to share my testimony with you. I had the last Healing Service (1Sept) scheduled on my calendar and was so looking forward to it. As the days drew closer I started to become more and more depressed, anxious, angry, desperate and just plain overwhelmed with life. God seemed silent, my work shouted Perform! Perform! and my hearts desires started to fade. I totally lost heart.
That same afternoon before the service, after a misunderstanding with my wife everything in me screamed that I wanted to give up and just die. I remember sitting on the bed wrestling with the thought of whether I should go to the Healing Service or whether it would just be a waste of my time. After a while I stood up and said to my wife that I will be going to the service and that I will have my answer regarding the way forward when I return.
What she did not know was that this service would be the final straw. If God did not show up, I was going to pour my heart and soul out into the world and commit spiritual suicide. Physical suicide has been on my mind lately, but with two children and a baby on the way it isn’t an option, although the thought of it feels so sweet and freeing.
I arrived at Ellel Ministries and I met Johan, on the associate team. He made me feel welcome and offered me coffee and biscuits, which I refused. I wasn’t there for tea, I thought; I was there for a faceoff with God. I was there to say to Him that I have tried but You were silent. Now I will die and it will be Your fault God. You ignored my cries. I’m dying inside and You didn’t care!
When Pat started to speak I listened attentively for anything that would stand out; if anything I believe God gave me in the past will popup. Something, anything; only God would know. Then Pat mentioned his and his wife’s foundational scripture Mathew 6:33 “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God……”. I sat up a little straighter because this is also the foundational scripture God gave me when I was sixteen. This scripture has been following me around all my life. Even now. The problem was that I never understood what it meant and Pat explained it to me.
Ps 91. Stay in the secret place of the Most High. In the eye of the storm. Things started to become clearer to me. But what happened next blew me away. Pat quoted, as a way of explaining what it means to seek God’s Kingdom first, using a verse I have been receiving over and over again for the last three years. Isaiah 30:15 “In returning to me and rest will you be saved. In quietness and trusting confidence will be your strength”. Okay! That was the final straw. God let me know that he was present!!
When the time came for prayer, and after a wrestling match with whether I should go forward or not, I finally gathered enough courage to go for prayer. Guess who was waiting for me? Johan. Johan listened to my desperation, looked me straight in the eye and said I must read Judges 6. He mentioned that God is a God of peace and that I am like Gideon. This may not sound like much to you now, but if you knew my whole story you will understand how necessary this was for me to hear. He continued and prayed for me. He mentioned everything I told him and I was in awe of how he remembered everything.
Oh, I can go on and on about what happened that night. But, I think the most important thing I need you to know is that God showed up and saved my life. Thank you for your heart and for your sacrifice and for your obedience in standing in the gap for people like me.